Tips to Heal from an Insecure Attachment
Working With a Therapist Who Specializes in Attachment Issues
Healing from insecure attachment is not about quick fixes. It’s about developing new ways of relating to yourself and others. One of the best steps you can take is working with a therapist who understands attachment issues. At Bozeman Therapy & Counseling, our team specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and attachment-based work to help you create the secure relationships you’ve been longing for.
A skilled therapist can provide the corrective emotional experiences you may not have received from your early caregivers, such as:
Emotional validation and reflective listening
Non-critical, non-judgmental support
Guidance to access, name, and express emotions in a healthy way
Help calming the physical manifestations of emotional pain
Respect for your strengths and personal resilience
Clear, consistent boundaries around scheduling, finances, and logistics
Expertise in connecting past developmental experiences to present struggles
Gentle redirection when old insecurity patterns show up in your communication or relationships
In therapy, you’re not just “working on yourself.” You’re experiencing a safe and supportive connection that helps rewire your sense of self and your expectations of others.
What If You Don’t Have Access to Therapy?
Not everyone has immediate access to therapy. While therapy provides a powerful environment for change, there are steps you can take on your own to begin healing:
1. Stay out of negative cycles
Learn to notice when you’re getting caught in unhelpful loops—whether with yourself or others—and step away from shame.
Instead of self-blame, try compassionate problem-solving:
"I yelled at my partner last night. I regret it, but I’m not bad. I’m human. What triggered me? Was I feeling unseen or anxious? What can I do differently next time?"
This is the tone loving parents use with children. Learn to extend it to yourself.
2. Rewrite old messages
Make a list of the messages you received from caregivers that have shaped your insecurity. Explore how they’ve harmed you—and how they may also have helped you.
Example: “I struggle to trust others, but I’ve also become hardworking and independent. How can I keep this strength while also learning to let people in?”
3. Address trauma
Trauma is not just what happened, but how your nervous system responded to overwhelming experiences. If those responses remain “stuck” in your body, they will continue to affect you. Reading The Body Keeps the Score and seeking somatic-based approaches, like Somatic Experiencing Therapy, can help.
4. Understand developmental trauma
Childhood emotional wounds, even small ones, accumulate like a thousand papercuts. Without repair, they leave a lasting imprint of shame and unworthiness. Healing involves acknowledging these wounds, grieving, and learning new ways to connect.
5. Build resilience
If your childhood environment was safe and supportive, you may still struggle when faced with adversity later in life. Healing in this case means developing skills to handle conflict, stress, and imperfect relationships with confidence.
Finding a Therapist in Montana
At Bozeman Therapy & Counseling, we specialize in attachment-based therapy for individuals, couples, children, and families. Whether you’re struggling with anxious attachment, avoidant tendencies, or the lingering effects of trauma, our clinicians are here to help.
If you’re outside Montana, you can search for therapists trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy at ICEEFT.com or find trauma-informed providers through traumahealing.org.
